In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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