She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
