the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
