then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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