Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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