please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
