I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
