My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
