...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize