You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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