Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
