she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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