So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
