The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
