oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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