Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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