Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
