Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
