it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
