And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
