I accidentally had phone sex last night
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
