this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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