when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
