I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
