Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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