did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Boobs speak an international language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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