I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
