Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
