Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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