i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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