DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
