I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
