i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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