my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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