i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I am spending my child support on dildos
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
