Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
