so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
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I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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