took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
