We won't sleep together?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
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So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
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I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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