Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
