TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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