Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
