you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
