eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
