Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
