Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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