yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
