I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
