Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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