hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
