You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
