i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
