Got a toothbrush?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
