I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
