my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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