so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
