it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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