Got a toothbrush?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
