I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
