I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
