All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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