I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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