It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
