Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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