I need help removing her.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
